You do
not know real fear till you start suicide-proofing your house. Taking drastic measures to keep yourself safe from yourself, sounds weird but very real.
You know
you do not want to. You are sure you love life but you are afraid that it can
snap, the darkness will take over and you will lose control.
No one
understands. Not even the doctors. They tell you it’s the normal blues but you
know what they do not know. You know how damaged your mind is. You know the
struggles, the things you do to stay sane. The challenges you currently face that make those things impossible.
What they do not know is that this is not who you want to be. They do not know
its not the drama you enjoy, they do not understand how badly you fight what
they call ‘drama’.
They do
not know that all you need is peace and no one can give that peace.
PS: This
is not a suicide note. If you cannot reach me, I’m probably sleeping human
sleep.
