First post of 2015, Mr Y and I have been doing some changes...
Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you find the
will to float.
Many times, great men and women have sold themselves short
for acceptance, for love, for integration. The sad part is that the price is
often times very expensive. You lose yourself and paint it as an immersion.
Sometime ago, a friend of mine said I should stop using the
word ‘love’ a lot. I use it quite loosely because I love almost everything that
appeals to me at the moment. Could be animate or inanimate, all I know is it is
cute, pretty, nice and then I start loving it. Such feelings are usually
fleeting and short-lived. After I spoke with my friend, I realised I was loving
things I liked.
Now I have loved my family all my life and cannot trade them
for others despite how much we annoy each other. I had a talk with my Dad this
evening where he eulogised his mother and told me how much he can understand
the love a child has for his/her mother because despite his mum’s shortcoming,
she could do no wrong in his eye when she was alive. It further confirmed my
feelings towards family. I love my friends too, all of them with their quirks
and glory. My friends are family so you see?
One thing I know however is that the love I have for my
family and friends is not the fleeting feeling I get from temporarily liking
the features of a thing. It is that protectiveness, that desire to see them
smile, the desire to do things that will bring laughter to their face, the
willingness to help them on the path to excellence, the little things that make
their days easier and lets them know that they are always appreciated. I will
stay up even when I am feeling terribly sore just for family. I’ll drive to the
airport (I hate driving) to pick up friends (not because they cannot afford the
fare) just because I want to be the one taking them home and spending that
gisting time. If I think my friend feels low and I can afford a spa time, that
what we will be doing…spa!
If my friends or family travel, I will be checking up on
them, not because I am stalking them but because I feel a level of care towards
them. I am on-hand for emergencies when friends or family call, because I
naturally assume someone in the pool I belong to will be the first contact. The
emergencies could be anything from ‘vex money’ to ‘I am dying’. Either way, I
have programmed myself in such a way that I will not be found lacking when it’s
time to lend an urgent hand. Why? It simple, I have a deep sense of affection
towards my friends and family. If you call it love, you are not wrong.
Love means different things. To me it is an utmost sense of
responsibility. It is the willingness to bend to please. It is sacrifice. Love
has no mode of operation. It is unique to every situation and individual. It
has no manuals. Your depth of affection dictates how much you are willing to
bend or break. Love is a scale of preference for me. Love determines who/what
takes precedence on my list of things to do in life. Love determines the
flexibility of my list. Love is handing out all you have and expecting nothing
in return.
I do not speak love, I show love…
Mrs Y
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