Emotional...

One day I shall blog about me without the masks. I shall tell of my successes and my failures.

One day I shall let myself be frail, willing to be dragged, helped, lifted and comforted.

This is not the time…

There are things I cannot change in life but there are things I can salvage. My default mode to suffering is salvage, rescue and abort mission. I never respond well to subtle threats.

Make me outright threats or promises and make sure you damn well keep them. The cowardice of it all is annoying. Are you afraid I’ll take it serious or are you so fearful that you’re looking for an escape route in case I call you out on your threat? Like why do people hint things they know are wrong to say outright? Subtle threats get me upset. 

These days when I get upset my stomach heaves, there’s so much body ache and then I start breathing exercises…LOL! (I learnt that in exercise class)

I’m going back to walking. It’s the best way to burn anger and being horny. Having my shoes pound the pavement, counting every step and thinking back on things I could have done better or knives I should have pushed further before twisting for the kill or freaky opportunities missed & how I'll make love to myself if I was a man. Walking is my emotional saviour. I go through recent sex scenes & I fight with anyone I am upset with while walking. I imagine responses and by the time the trip is done, I am fine. My mum jokes that one-day I’ll get upset with the ground and she’ll see what I’ll walk on. If you see me walking & smiling or frowning, you can bet what I'm doing.

I’ve been too angry lately. I need sex. Mind-blowing-toe-curling-sex. Breathless freaky sex. Sex cures a lot of things for me. Almost everything except being broke…LOL!

Now imagine sex on 100-thread count cotton sheets with fluffy pillows somewhere in the Maldives or Bora Bora with someone waiting on me hand and foot and fresh spicy food…

…Bottom-line, I need sex.