LESSONS

Selfishness:

One of the things I have learned in my life is to be selfish. Recently I have not been selfish and it has cost me a lot. Everyone loves himself or herself more than the next person so why not love you more than that person?

Let me tell you a bit of how selfishness can save you and make you more human. The holy books say to love ‘your neighbour as you love yourself’. Now you see the thing is we all have ways we love ourselves and one of the basic human needs is to be treated the way you want/like/love to be treated and not how another person likes being treated. We want our unique moulds to be recognised and put into consideration. Now if you want to keep to the neighbourly commandment, it means recognising the unique mould of another person and treating them the way they want to be treated/loved because that is what a selfish you will love.

Disappointments are good

I used to wail and panic and try to control situations in order to stem disappointments but I am acquiring a new aura of calmness about things. The logic is this; disappointments help you see the chink in another human’s armour. It exposes their vulnerability. It helps you measure trust. If I am expected to maintain a certain standard and I fall below it constantly, it is normal to demote me from that standard.

You know the old me used to think ‘expect nothing from people so you do not get disappointed’ but no, it is a sad way to live. We all come to life with expectations. It could be good, bad or unsure but there are always minimal expectations from everyone you meet. Expecting an outcome/yield/behaviour etc. from someone/something is a measure of respect/esteem or lack of it you have for that person/thing.

Now you see, when you hold those expectations, a disappointment is good. It’s a chance to reassess the situation and change the players in your life’s script.

It is obvious that if I expect nothing from you, you are on the lowest rung of life’s ladder for me. That means you are of no value to me and very dispensable. It is a sad place to be.

You can always do better

This seems a bit cliché but you can always do better. Okay, let me put it this way; ever had mind-blowing sex and you think “Yes!!!’ or ‘Finally!!!’ then you part ways and there is this other girl/guy who then proceeds to take you into unexplored realms of pleasure?

Yes, that’s the way it is. We always have standards/tastes that keep evolving. The good thing is every step up the ladder tells you what could lie ahead. I am not saying there is a definite measurement for what lies ahead but look back and tell me I am wrong.

Whatever you do, know when to pass and when to fold